woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
