It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
