you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
