You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
