Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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