Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
