youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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