Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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