her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
