his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
