you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
