Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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