He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
