Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
