just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
