Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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