I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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