I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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