you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
