When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
