I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
