Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
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So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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