Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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