I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
