oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
