She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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