i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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