So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
