You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
