How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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