I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just found puke in my bra..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
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I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize