I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
