I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
