trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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