omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
