I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
