just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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