He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
