if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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