You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Pants are for mortals
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