can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
