this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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