what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
