and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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