her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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