you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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