Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
