Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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