I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
