It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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