Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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