you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
