how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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