so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
