just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How's work?
Spinning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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