3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
