I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
