I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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