she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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