So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
