it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
