Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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