I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
