Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
