She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The air taste purple.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
