I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
