Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
