Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
